Pete just told the whole party I'm a squirter
Bring mistletoe to the strip club, and they feel obligated. they dont even charge you
I know man...but i cant pass up a catholic school girl fantasy
I feel like wearing underwear would just be poor planning
you started petting my head and said "there there, majestical unicorn. it won't be long before we get you back to neverland."
Just remember that I named his dick Robo-cock before he got into the sheriff's department.
Three months into our sexual relationship, he comes out with "Your body is efficient". WTF do I do with THAT?
I have never paid for drugs and I'm sure not going to start today especially on a holiday
With a butt like mine I'll never have to pay for Netflix again.
My vagina feels like a chupacabra ripped me apart using its mythological set of needle pointed teeth
I feel like my liver should be on crutches right now
What shade of lipstick clearly states, I'm only attending this wedding for the drugs and groomsmen?
Not my lover. I would rather lose all my teeth, and I fucking love my teeth.
In other news, my ex fuck buddy is a surprisingly good wingman.
You drank the pool water to get rid of your hiccups
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