Im mastering the way to pass gas silently.
I'm totally counting that party when he kept putting his hands down my pants as a date.
he took his pants off right in front of me then just stood there so i went for his boxers and he said he was waiting till marriage
Ordered my mom Mother's Day flowers online and moved on to internet porn. Do you think this is some sort of Freudian slip?
There is a pink thong attached to a bottle of svedka hanging from my ceiling fan..is this yours?
You've had your dick in my mouth. I don't think there are all that many barriers in our friendship at this point.
Care to explain why there is sushi in the soap dish in the bathroom
I promise a much better performance tomorrow than last night my penis has a bed time
Bro I am trying to have one night stands nothing more, unless she is baking waffles I can eat out of her butthole I am not interested
I got a blowjob dressed with a t shirt sweatpants and a Fanny pack. Not kidding.
It takes a special kind of man to fart REALLY loudly right before entering a woman and still get some. This has been a state of bootytown address.
FYI you are now my emergency contact at plan parenthood
I shaved my entire vagina for a man who had the personality of a potato and a C- orgasm. Life is a series of disappointments.
New Serial podcast is out. We can listen to it tonight instead of having sex.
You know something is wrong with your life when your mom is at the bar getting free tequila shots and you aren't
Randomize
