I could have mohawked her pubes.
Honestly dude, i think you should ignore the restraining order if you really love her.
She was crying, alone at a college bar. It would have been rude NOT to try and show my penis to her.
You had a towel around you and you called it your shot bib.
I don't know what's worse: going to the liquor store at 9am or knowing that its open at 9am
He won't stop licking me..... im choosing your date next time.
I just lit a candle in my room using axe and a lighter, that's how bored I am. Let's get schwasted.
Hey, I got 20% of the people home that I was responsible for. I can't be expected to do much more.
Cops just came and got two guys out of my class. I can't do college. Seriously cannot rage at this school anymore.
I was talking about you wanting my dick, but that works too
My inner pteradactyl is also confused.
We were mid fuck, and he did a Kermit the Frog impression. Is it weird that I was strangely turned on?
Can we talk about how i drunkenly changed the timezone on my phone last night and just showed up to work an hour early
I took out a life ins. policy Thursday. It's okay I can die in Nashville now.
i need to get crying drunk at the bar more often. i end up going home with guys who have big penises. its like God is saying "there, there, this will cheer you up".
Randomize
