My ass is singing 4 different tunes right about now... Taco Bell was a bad idea!
Is it weird for a girl to post pictures of her dildo no facebook?
She just took off her shirt and jumped in the kiddie pool. We're not leaving.
I woke up and there is a food processor in my purse. Someone else's framed family photo. My front door is wide open and my gerbil is playing in the water bong.
Yeah I'm going to bathe him.
I had to explain to the waiter that I'm not the DD because I can't drive, but as the Designated 'Make Sure No One Gets Roofied Or Hit By A Car On The Walk Home'-er, I should still get the free drinks.
Hey. There is naked girl with "plz don't touch her. She just turned 21" sharpied on her chest. What happened last night?
I think this agreement was sent by God. I get to do my own thing, get laid, and he still makes me breakfast in the morning.
And the cockring thing wasn't sexual.
I think I'm going to contact pbr and see if they'll sponsor our dreams
Whenever I think to myself, "I don't work for a bunch of hours"... It's shot time?
DONT YOU DARE DIE YET THERE IS SO MUCH SEX TO BE HAD
Oh and apparently something happened that was related to "THIS IS SPARTA" but no one will tell me what I did.
So I'm going to blame my boobs hurting on that.
I have a horrible feeling I left my dildo in the kitchen today after washing it. This is my life.
sam was dropping a deuce next to me. wrote me a note that said "glad we shared this experience." passed it under the wrong stall. the other guy picked it up. that's all I know so far.
i want to say his dick was in it but not his heart
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