Earlier, I saw a homeless man that looked like Abe Lincoln, and I just saw a guy walk past wearing crocs and socks. I'm beginning to like this city less and less
If there was chocolate on Regis Philban's dick, I would totally lick it off. That's how desperate I am for some right now.
The only problem is i have violated all potential new years resolutions at the new years party.
I woke up with the new contact "Britney Both Nipples Pierced"... how do you think the night went?
It Amazes me that I was able to drunk update my status in Spanish last night.
If I should ask "why am I still single?" could someone please remind me of shooting mike and ikes out of my nose at the bartender last Saturday. many thanks
Would it be out of line to take a picture of all the earrings, rings, hairclips, and other miscellaneous girl items that I found under my bed and post it on facebook and tag all the girls that I slept with this year so they can claim their shit and get it out of my house?
I guess your brother-in-law will have his day in the sun tonight after you leave. By that, I of course, mean he's gonna suck liquor milk out your sister's tits.
Well after we were arrested you just kept chanting "Like a good neighbor state farm is there"
I got asked to "be the filling in a man sandwich." You don't get to pick the club again. EVER.
I don't know. I just have an affinity for nudity when I'm drunk.
How the hell am I supposed to tell that to a group of eight year olds?! It was three in the afternoon for fucks sake!
I'm sorry. I slept with him again. On the plus side he's got better at it!
I just want him to make us coffee. And whack off into the sunset
WEED BROWNIES! He put weed in my brownie mix! And he got it from YYYYOOOOUUUU!
Look at the bright side mom. After 20 years dad is still capable of surprising you!
Shut up Max.
Im so sorry for peeing on your chest.
Randomize
