oh god the rape fog is back!
Apparently when he woke up I was tripping my face off. Everytime the cat meowed I would meow back. This went on for several hours.
Midget Michael Jackson impersonator dancing to Beat it in Penn Station almost caused me to miss my train. God, I
just saw a DUI checkpoint outside of a taco bell...i feel like thats cheating...
I just watched the quarterback of Purdue get shut down by a girl at a bar. not a good omen
Sometimes when i'm at a cross roads in life, i think about what i would want my lifetime movie to show what i did
And then she said we stopped for a train and i tried crawling out the back window.. again, i dont remember this.
They're like penises that have been put in a blender.
Everything was good until you pulled the bartenders hair because she cut you off
I just had sex in a cardigan. Made me feel old. Smarter somehow, but old.
Thanks for letting me in last night. I was drunkenly sleepwalking.
i spent 45 minutes yellng Heather I feel so bad i wanna die and then 45 more yelling I DONT WANNT TO DIE. thats how drunk i was
I was a bouncer for about 90 seconds until the real bouncers figured out that I was doing their job
My uterus feels like it went 8 rounds with Mike Tyson. And that was only a quickie.
I haven’t taken my socks off in over 36 hours. I should add that to my bumble profile.
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