At a place where you lie naked on a big pile of pillows and they feed you lobster. You eat it with your bare hands.
if we dont hook up this weekend, im doing both his roommates
If you were wondering whether I accidentally FaceTime called the undergrad who works for me in lab during a particularly graphic blow job last night, then the answer is yes.
I have got to stop singing on voicemails. I just left my dad a 6 minute musical message.
Clearly my hormones are sending beaming lights to every penis in the area
So, were they human bite marks at least?
Your guess is as good as mine.
He tried to convince me that it wasn't really that small and all he had to do was pull back the groin fat. It was still small.
Things I have learnt this week: bubble mix is toxic. Extremely toxic.
Props to you. You took the bet seriously. Making out with her for an hour right after she spewed
I just remembered I made you punch yourself in the face last night and I would like to formally apologize for that even though it was hilarious.
Eating power bars and masterbating... That's kinda my life right now. Is this what having a boyfriend means?
You have talents. You got me laid two weekends in a row in two different cities.
Death by dick. An honorable death. Put a picture of his dick in the photo collage at my funeral.
I just paid $10 for tinder plus so that I could change my location to Rio and match with Olympic Athletes
Do you lock your house? Serious question, I need to know if I can add it to my list of emergency poop stops
Randomize
