terrible decisions. terrible terrible terrible decisions.
who'd you have sex with.
I can't help but be optimistic. I'm like a ball of slutty sunshine.
I found out you can't leave the bar with a drink. I also found out that pouring it on the bouncers shoes is also unacceptable.
Old lady caught me peeing in the street and yelled at me and said "I REBUKE YOU"
All I can remember is posting my chicken burger in the post box. Postman is in for a treat.
If you asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be today, I can pretty much guarantee I wouldn't have replied with "buying hemorrhoid cream on Bourbon St at 7am"
Girl it's 3:30 get your life together and come enjoy a bowl, some coffee and a brownie with me
I was like can I please fuck your hips back into realignment
had a dream that i inhaled my pet bird and started choking. Then I tried smoking from a bong and suddenly I smoked myself inside out. this is what happens when I don't smoke weed. my brain can't function!
How'd your Tinder date go?
Well, I met his girlfriend...
then he told me my boobs feel like "if you put mushroom soup in a baggie." I don't know how I'm supposed to feel about this.
He sent me a dick pic. I am fighting the urge to send him a "sorry for your loss" card.
Far be it from me to tell you where you store your dildos but from an interior decorating standpoint not fucking there
You're so sweet in the most vulgar ways
And ANOTHER guy that I once got naked is doing gay porn now. Wtf? Am I the audition?!
Randomize
