M and I are hungry and we are making your pizza in the fridge. But you're having sex and we're not so we dont feel bad.
And then I chipped his tooth because I got too into it. Helloo, single life.
Okay I'm all about any plan that ends with "We're gonna get you drunk."
The reason i havent seen you yet better have huge tits
What do you mean you don't pregame your bikini waxes?
I want to apologize in advance in the event I put my boobs in your face
He was wearing a tux and a big sombrero so it automatically made the flute he was playing totally cool
i officially have over $300 in my bank account. that's a year's worth of chipotle.
This is the Taco Bell dump we've all been waiting for.
Hey guys guess what I found in my bed this morning? I wish it was a man..but it was a potato
My horseshoe mustache feels at home at this bar.
My walk of shame wasn't complete until I projectile vomited clutching my truck bumper while he just smiled with that look of regret.
YOLO is a great motto until you end up with Chlamydia
He referred to our sex as "an Olympic event." My tits are bruised.
I gave him breakup sex, AGAIN
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