Some dude at the gas station right now is buying a 30 rack of beast and a can of cat food. Happy Thanksgiving.
If you're going to watch porn, can you atleast be considerate and watch it on my old laptop and not the new one?
My boogers are black from last night. So that's either from all the colored hairspray or inhaling all of the tragedy from the party...
I had a terrible day! The only thing that makes me feel better is knowing Jack Bauers day was worse.
After we did it I noticed she was wearing the same underwear as last night.
That's why you don't sleep with the same girl two nights in a row man!
Just bought all my wine for the weekend with a check at 11am. I'm almost judging myself.
You walked in on me taking a shit and told me to hit the bong
We used the solo cup bag for her hair tie. Desperate times call for desperate measures.
How sad is it that I'm looking in the farm & garden section of craigslist to find a weed dealer. I mean, that's where they'd be right? Just gotta break the code.
All three shower stalls were filled with couples fucking and then someone yelled "switch" and... We switched
So dude comes out in a full body leotard and a wand and announced he's king of the gays. Chicago is a weird but fun place
I'm scared because his knowledge of star trek is turning me on
You're wearing pigtails and giving away our kitchen appliances. Clearly, you're drunk.
I did not pay that kind of money so that It could be hidden. that bra needs to shine in glory so that it can be seen by the world.
We are gonna play a game I like to call what the fuck is in my pocket
Randomize
