You were asking people if they could pee on you while you shotgunned beers
eye of the tiger was playing while i pooped... it totally helped.
I have a plus one for the Blackout Express, should I pen in your name?
He's like a perfect storm of amazing hair and horrible judgment.
You need to tell him your pregnant or we need to stop playing doubles beer-pong. My liver is begging you.
But Alex is drunk in Philly and I told him to come see me so that's "first-love,-drunk,-high,-and-it's-a-snow-day-hook-up-with-an-ex" points. 69
You know you're at a low point when you're sucking vodka out if your hair.
She's riding a bike down the street and drinking brown liquor. A pt cruiser is honking at her and she's like I HEAR YOU!!
This is the fourth day in a row I've walked outside in the same pajamas. I think the neighbors have finally given up on judging me.
SOMEONE WITH THE TWITTER HANDLE "METHLAB" FAVORITED THAT PICTURE
You, me, naked, mistletoe, fifth of jack, gallon of lube, condoms, Cheetos, handcuffs, rope, along with no morals, inhibition or judgment. That's all I want for Christmas.
I haven't showered. And am sitting in the office smelling like a beer can someone's been using as an ash tray.
my roommate had drunk sex above me in our bunk bed and then built me a fort to apologize the next day
hypothetically, what's the best method to remove an stray semen gob from a roommate's important school document?
Didn't know my clit could produce that many orgasms in one night. Fuck my husband; think I might have to become a lesbian.
Randomize
