yeah it's now facebook official. i can no longer pretend shes my girl on the side
If a man's penis is referred to as "the family jewels" does that make a woman's vagina a jewelry box?
don't ever try to run hungover. just puked mid-run in front of an old couple that were going for a walk. they were horrified.
I just found out my favorite drunk show, Repo Men, is just reenactments. I can't express through words my disappointment.
He came up to me muttering about the pills on the bathroom floor... I found him an hour and a half later trying to take naked photos of himself with an alarm clock...
He was the one that got away. From my vagina.
I'm convinced that the Christmas lights in my room contributed to the great sex.
Fuck away man. Like 3% of these new people will be back next week. This is the best week of the year to slam bitches at the gym.
You fucked that MILF against my car!
How would you know?
She scratched her name into my window with her bigass wedding ring. btw she wants you to call her
Yesterday you said I was the best.
No. I said you DID your best. There's a huge difference.
Personally, if my roommate had a nice friend who made me dinner, gave me free beer, a 4am meal, a couch to sleep on in an apartment on the beach, and breakfast when I woke up, and I found out that said roommate was fucking her, I'd be all... right on! She's cool! Thanks for the quesadillas!
Can you hurry up? Jamie just challenged my ex boyfriend to a duel and someone honest to God handed her a sword?
She didn't have her own?
Please explain the hospital band on my wrist.
I found my bra I wore on Friday night...he fucked the underwire out of it
hahahahaha
Having a bangable neighbor is going to ruin my booty call game. I refuse to go across town for dick now
Randomize
