You kept spitting the skittles out cause you said they tasted like "balls of sandpaper"
just passed out while on hold to see if i left my debit card at the bar last night.
dude you guys. You can't throw up in the recycling bin. I don't think vomit is recyclable
The gay bar tender told me I looked like Prince William. And that I needed my balls licked.
That bitch makes my crazy look like a walk in the park with cotton candy
I feel like a cloud. A cloud that wants to be laid.
If you were awake I would probably ride my bike over, fuck you like a god, leave you in the wonders of life, and bike home
I'm crying and shaving my Bronco playoff beard
should i save it for someone special or be a feminist and be like "my vagina doesnt define me"
Passing out drunk in my therapists lobby may not be the best way to confirm my "stability"
I washed my sheets. I did out of respect for my previous and current sexual partners.
He asked me how flexible I was and all I could think about was that time I threw my back out putting in a tampon.
did i get sucker punched in the face last night or was our make-out session just that intense?
He started planning our future mid-hookup. You tell me how my night was.
I was at his place until 2am. We just sat really close an stared at each other. I think you are right. Germans must not have feelings. Not even tingly ones in their pants.
Randomize
