So the D.A.R.E. essay I helped my tutor kid write won an award. Oh the irony.
I think when she wakes up, she'll either kill me, or laugh. I hope she laughs.
Yeah I think we tried to use the shower curtain as a parachute because its tied to my backpack with some string. Dont know if anyone actually attempted it though.
its was like we drinking an entire bottle of mystery
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The fact that its 10am on a gameday and I have yet to shotgun is absurd
He doesn't need to speak English. He needs to speak sex.
From the guy that lifted you into a fan I'm sorry
There's a black statue of liberty dancing on the side of the road. Please hold while I join him.
Maybe I'm a robot.
You can't be that drunk already
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When I left you were in the shower in your socks throwing up screaming it was blood but it was "ok" cuz it's recyclable. By the way it was kool aid.
An outback commercial just played and I remembered that guy from Australia Imade out with at the Derby. Great Bachelorette Party, btw.
College: when you have to set an alarm to start drinking
Martha Stewart has had a one night stand and is unsure if she's had a threesome. I no longer feel slutty.
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
I just wanted to tell you that the German word for "dickhead" can also be translated as "ass violin" and I think that's beautiful.
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