I just had to pull over at a starbucks to throw up in the bathroom. They really should not have let me be a lawyer.
You better get here soon. I'm about to spend $30 on a cactus online
I just got a facebook invite to join a group called "bring back the old franzia spout." i never want our generation to grow up.
still wasted. at home depot . just threw up in one of the demo showers. not okay.
I need to do something profound in the next three and a half years so that when my kids ask what I did in my twenties I have something to say other than "made bad decisions"
This is going to be the time I got green body paint on Chris' ceiling all over again...
I wonder if a fish could survive in vodka
I could
And literally 4loko margaritas are callin my name. They're like "Hey girl come on over here I'll make you forget about grades and boys and it'll be a good idea to send everyone 55 snapchats of your cleavage" ok
i swear i just dislocated a hip staying still
the bad thing about being great at twerking is that I'm powerless to stop myself from doing it when I'm drunk and in public.
I unknowingly motorboated my boyfriend's ex-gf last night. Yay me!
I think curling is the best thing to watch when you're baked.
I need a life alert for his random dick pics. My heart can't handle that.
The zoom feature on snap chat videos is the worst thing to ever happen to sexting
Sitting in a waiting room with 15 children has me contemplating if I ever want to have sex again...
Randomize
