Sundresses, hats, and big glasses. That is the greatest trick the devil ever taught women.
I bet i've been more pregnant than you.
he got instantly turned off in the middle of a blowjob when he heard the news "twilight beat the blockbuster record of batman"
And then i made him answer questions about me before i took off my clothes
I'm scared. I feel like she's my mom and she just walked in on me having sex. Like she's "disappointed"
i spelled "betch" that way on purpose, don't question my abilities as a drunk texter
Forgot to mention...Pamela Anderson has HPV, so i feel like im in good company
My getting drunk and marrying a stranger in Vegas final court annulment papers just came in the mail... I might frame that shit
I was an emotional waste case that night. She made me stroke her ponytail.
nothing like walking in the house at 3 am in my panties and a sheer shirt carrying a life sized cardboard dale earnhardt jr
Turns out the average person our age has never run from the cops. Life: we're doing it right.
BEHOLD THE MORNING PIGEON
SANCTIFY THE CHALK TADPOLE
THERE IS NO SOBRIETY. ONLY ZUUL.
If someone made a breakfast cereal that was a cross between lucky charms and fruity pebbles and called it unicorn power with a huge fucking rainbow and a unicorn standing in a pot of gold on the box, they would be rich. Not only monetarily but spiritually as well...
I'm questioning my decision to swallow this morning while my stomach was in hangover mode
Also epiphany: I gotta quit fucking with dudes that have never seen Harry Potter. They all turn out to be shitheads who probably eat honeydew.
Randomize
