clearly I should have checked to see if he was an NRA member before I went back to his house and woke up in Heston's haven.
Flying to Orlando on the 7th is cheaper than the 8th by like three margaritas.
i feel like i was in a swimming pool of captain and coke and had to drink my way out
just so you know... i was wasted last night, but the evening is coming back to me in flashes... i made you eat gravy last night, didn't i?
I can't tell if your life is amazing or needs reevaluation when "did I get hit with a nightstick" is a legitimate question.
these girls were driving down the road screaming "SHOT!!" out the windows and pelting potatoes at passerby.
i got hit in the ear.
I hate him and his pretentious your-sleeping-in-the-wet-spot look.
I don't know. I was hiding and the bed was banging. I am going to sleep now in someone's car.
Love these next 4 months. Wake up from a college football hangover and get to put your hand down your pants and watch NFL football all day.
Just woke up and spent the first hour of consciousness throwing up with the Rocky theme song on repeat.
You know your night is done when the police confiscate your bra at high school basketball game
You FaceTimed me at three in the morning while you were peeing. Your eyes were glazed over and you showed me your bellybutton.
How was my night? He had a picture of his mom on his night stand and he yelled "Papi like" when he came. Fuck tequila.
He will be so fat that the winter can not penetrate his blubber.
well my apartment and my life are still a disaster but I did clean off my desk so that's gotta count for something...
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