she was pretty much dry humping my leg when her boyfriend walked in. he says "you should probably leave." all i could come up with was "YEAH, I KNOW!"
oh hey just found a glowstick in my tits. fuck yes new years eve
I just found three unopened cans of PBR behind our futon that I think I was saving for winter.
other girls like to lick balls but none of them live for it like u do
My dick was out way too much saturday not to get laid
She tried to kill herself by taking a whole packet of panadol. I mean HELLO THAT'S ME EVERY SUNDAY MORNING.
She passed out on the kitchen table with two mickeys forties duct taped to her hands. Clearly she is going to fit perfectly in your house this semester
At 4 am, making my walk of shame, the hotel security followed me to my car with his flashlight shined directly on me. I felt like either a criminal or like I was about to get raped. Can't a girl sneak out of a hotel room without an actual spotlight on her?!?!?!
You have not lived until you've puked on your sequined UGGs in the Rite Aid parking lot while going to buy emergency contraceptives.
In honor of Dennis Farina dying, I'm offering up free mustache rides...2 takers so far.
You dove at him but passed out mid dive. Shame it wasnt a costume party your superman suit wouldve been clutch in the situation
Oh yeah, you are a real peach except for shitting uncontrollably and bleeding out of your face.
Haha we both slept with guys named Brad born on may 1st. This is a proud day for sisters.
I just spent 45 minutes and a really well-put together Power Point trying to convince her to use my dog as baby Jesus in her church's play.
Just woke up beside some twink in a kilt.. how is your sunday going
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