what happened last night??
everyone saw ******'s vagina
and that's just the beginning
i'm really high, and this is sooooooooooo important. how many frosties does it take to fill a bathtub?
i DID NOT walk around with my knees bent and my hands behind my back with long spandex and underarmour pretending to be Apollo Ono
I feel like she's the kind of girl who always ends up with guys who have oddly shaped dicks..
Once you realized you couldn't finish the 30 you started walking down the street and leaving a beer in everyone's mailbox
I'm sorry I dragged a dildo (on a leash) into your room last night.
They high fived mid Eiffel Tower, then we all proceeded to talk about how our friendship is much stronger now. I'd say a successful first threesome.
Chick in class has 69 tattooed on the back of her neck. Target acquired.
I drew a nude short fat middle aged woman today and liked it
It was honestly one of my favorite days in art class except for the 20 min she faced me and kept looking at me and we made eye contact
I think my greatest accomplishment today was probably using a bottle opener to get the cap off my fourth drink while holding the cat WITHOUT dropping him.
Oh god, what has my life become?
Happy meals everywhere. I think Ronald McDonald Claus visited.
he has to serve us drink and appetizers in his french maid costume for the Pirates game tonight. Bring everyone.
I was standing in my mom's kitchen in only my neon green thong, eating pizza over the garbage can, and sobbing while he was yelling at me.
How my distance relationship is going: he's trying to sext me & I'm stuffing pizza in my face.
So, Kevin dropping me off at urgent care. Seems my tampon slipped out of reach. Even after he tried to get it out with some kitchen tongs.
Randomize
