Bridesmaid dress fitting. I look like a Weeble and Michelle looks like Malibu Barbie. I have to keep reminding myself that she has herpes so really, the playing field is more level than it might initially seem.
Please don't call me names while I'm carrying your child.
You also had the stripper slap the shit out of me for not having any money....remember that?
Is it bad that I voted for Scott Brown because I want to fuck him?
Nah. I did too.
vegan vag taste different. and not a good different
You have to understand, this is the first time I'm looking at a whopper sober.
Just figured out I can wedge my iphone between my boobs so it stands up at a perfect handsfree reading angle. Clearly somebody up there wants me to smoke this bowl while I watch my bieber videos
So hungover. They actually hid easter eggs around me.
Nothing says "I forgive you for puking on me during sex" like a Facebook add the next morning...
the lady next to me just sniffed my hair, smiled, and then fell asleep. I almost started crying from that kind of creepiness
don't cry, we can learn from her
I went commando last night, then accidentally flashed a police van...They acknowledged it.
Fucked a kid by the name of your hometown tonight... FOR THE WIN.. BF4L
I think my dove chocolate wrapper just told me to masturbate.
Someone stole a lamp last night.
What drinking game we play yesterday? Fight club or something?
Randomize
