I texted him about a book we both like. I was expecting a "ya great book... let's bone" response. It didn't work
It was an 11am booty call. We were both out of our element.
Sadly him cutting me out of the duct tape dress was NOT the most awkward part of the night. It was a littleeee moist under there.....
Can't. I took a Viagra to make sure I wouldnt leave the room so I might actually study.
in case you were wondering, even a BJ under a blanket on the back of a bus only lifts a 14-hour bus ride to borderline tolerable.
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
My 16 year old neighbor is throwing a rager cuz her parents are out of town and my brother and I are sitting on the porch listening to A) someone fuck on the trampoline B) a girl bawling about her parents finding out C) someone puking in what we think is the hot tub. And overall we take a shot everytime someone says "bra"
When the cop tells you to leave the pool, does that mean you have to put your bathing suit back on too?
We were having an argument with his friends mom about whether it was worse that he bootycalled me at 4 a.m. or that I bootycalled him at 12 in the afternoon
It's all fun and games until your AARP eligible neighbors end up blacking out in your yard at 5pm with a box of franzia. I'm feeling a great year ahead
You know how I know last night was a good night? Because I remember high fiving a couple WHILE they were having sex.
Like who needs a job and family when you can get drunk for free with strippers?
Meeting him up for him to pay half of the Plan B was awkward but worth it cause I'm broke as fuck
Why do I like him? He literally has no redeeming qualities.
We were looking everywhere for you and I finally found you in the closet talking to a build a bear.. So I gave you and myself another drink
Randomize
