so this rather large man keeps buying us drinks.......then he licked my face....i dont really care though because the drinks are good. Is this bad?
Last night i was gna tell u about how i was watching project runway & how i was upset bc they replaced tim gunn & heidi klum. but then i realized that i was watching mythbusters.
True life - we need to smoke together more often
i will never coherently bang her
Ask him about the girl he took home Saturday night. I swear she voted for Kennedy.
Its so hard looking at my mom and pretending I'm not dying a slow death of binge drinking
Some mysterious chinese delivery man dropped off 2 free egg rolls. Clutch
My cab driver just texted me 'goodnight beautiful'. I think my 'desperate for a guy phase' has just moved into a fuck my life phase.
Are you also wondering how we get home after the party bus?
Home?
I would convert to being a Republican and Mormon just to sleep with Romney's sons. The things I would to do them.
I get hit on by the prison guards every time i go to see him. Seriously.
I swear to god, my hangover cure is a green tea and a 15 minute twerkout. works every time
Now theyre filling the kiddie pool water with boxes and boxes of jello powder and im not sure if thats a sign i should leave or what
I hung my underwear from the tree in his front yard. Consider my territory marked.
Dude there's ten thousand dollars worth of damage to the kids house and three thousand in stolen property and his dog is missing he is pissed
If I give him back his dog do you think he'll invite me to the next party
it's 1043 pm. still havent changed out of the shirt i wore last night so at this point i figure i'll go for twosies.
Randomize
