I told my new friends about my possible new chin. They said I should get my nose done first. Please tell me I'm pretty or something.
I've already planned a drinking game for mtvs jersey shore....jagerbomb everytime they do
He scored a 8.5/10 on that girls powerpoint. Of course I slept with him
I fell asleep on the table at Denny's. Told the waitress to wake me up when my burger was there.
I wish Samuel L. Jackson would narrate our bar crawls
He said I was the "egg mcmuffin" of blowjobs. I'm flattered.
Oh damn. God have mercy on everything w a dick in a ten mile radius.
ur mom makes the best bacon
WHAT ARE YOU DOING IN MY HOUSE
I've actually, minus lsat night have actually changed my drinking habits
You have not lived until you have drunkenly grinded on your mother. Daughter of the year right here.
6 beers, 3 orange crushes, & half a fire ball later & you get my alter ego.
I almost died today via plastic wrap. I AM THE REASON THEY PUT WARNING LABELS ON THINGS.
I feel like my stoner spirit animal is Janice from the muppets.
Last night I was introduced as the Picasso of getting fucked up so I obviously had to live up to it by chugging long islands
PokemonGo as navigation to get some at 5:13 AM. Life choices, yo.
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