That's what you get for not wearing a bra and jumping on a trampoline
she burped and cried multiple times. it was like i was getting head from a baby.
im sober playing flip cup. its like cheating.
Its the Friday before break. There are 20 kids in my 300 person lecture hall. All with the same what the fuck am I doing here look on there face.
I don't know which part of you thought this was funny but it's fucked up to wake up in that much fluff and now we don't have a couch. Fuck you.
I'm supposed to be studying for finals but all I can think about is blowing him on a sea doo this summer
I mean I feel like if you explain to the emoji app company that your friend got plastered and fell to the ground and is trying to scheme her way back to normal life and get her dignity back they would understand just how necessary it is to have a fingers crossed emoji...
How do I go about this? "Hey, its my birthday in 40 minutes. Would you like to come over for some sex? Also, please bring snacks"?
I just Miyagied my roommate through her first set of tit pics. Her fuck buddy owes me.
I called you a cum goblin in my voicemail. I stand by it.
She sent me nudes via email. What the fuck are we still in the 90s? Grow up
Spending the night with him made me realize that stupid people both irritate and fascinate me, so I'd say it equaled itself out.
Whelp, I woke up on the front lawn this morning. I have got to stop wearing these underwear. Every time I do, I end up puking in someone's greenery.
I'm so sad at the lack of dick in my life I am going to get sauced and make rice krispy treats
Here's the thing. Kinda drunk. Eating leftover soup. In bed. Watching Disney channel.
Randomize
