My nipple is on Facebook.
dont quote avril lavinge. im to drunk.
he told me my vagina needed a tic tac
Just saw the hottest 4 garbage men ever. They should make a calendar
Are you really this nice or are you just trying to get in my pants?
Both?
The dentist told me I have super glue on my teeth. I'm not blaming you I just want to know how that happened
You refused to come over and kept yelling that you were gonna sleep on a car
He rubs his penis on back when he think I'm sleeping
I got us chalkboard mugs. Now whoever comes home with us can feel comfortable in the morning! I am too considerate to my one-night stands...
That moment when you see yourself in a security camera feed and realize you forgot a bra. And pants.
Probably won't be invited back there again considering last time his purebred corgi ate my pot brownie and had to be rushed to the hospital.
I forgot about snapchatting a pic of us, but I remember flossing with your hair.
It's like the cookie assaulted me with being high.
so third time im replacing the batteries on my vibrator in 2 months #sosingle....on another note though, black beauty is raring to go
See I insist I'm not a groupie and then I say things like "will bang for a backstage pass".
Randomize
