Sooo... I woke up in the shower this morning. It was on.
I was just tapping my foot in the bathroom at Penn Station just PRAYING for anonymous sex. You know how that goes.
she was sure she was an eel. She spent 40 minutes sliterhing on the floor to get to her room
Please don't die.. At a gay bar... On a Wednesday. Obituaries are not allowed to be that entertaining.
it is entirely possible that the police will be knocking on the door in 25 minutes
No, I left myself a half eaten cucumber and a beer next to my head, pointed at it and said 'you're breakfast' and then passed out.
Idk I somehow continue to get laid by pulling my dick out and reciting the 3 world country orphan kid commercials
I mean, the sex was awesome last weekend, but I didn't even imagine I'd reached ovarian rupture status.
Awkward sister question: which game of thrones female left would you fuck?
Hey guys guess what I found in my bed this morning? I wish it was a man..but it was a potato
Just checked in with my friend who walked in on us. He thinks you two had a spiritual connection and he's bugging out
He was also rolling face on molly so his perception of divinity might be slightly off
I'm 2 seconds away from smashing the bottle and drinking it off the counter with a straw.
Because cocaine and lesbian hookups on a Tuesday cannot be the new normal
How the fuck did he think me asking about the possibility of a threesome was a rhetorical question?
Hopefully he gets to dig deep into my body, before he digs deep into my past ..
Randomize
