Done. Eyebrows are waxed, entire body shaved
his penis was crooked so i rode him at an angle. he seemed used to this.
On my way home from Vegas. Just realized my pants are inside out
Sometimes I worry for your future but then I remember how big your boobs are.
I just saw someone marching around outside wearing only a loincloth, dragging a fuckton of sheet metal. Spring has Sprung.
Homeless guy on the metro is drinking beer out of a coke bottle. Hello friend.
I'm by the dj to the left. Come get me now this girl is talking about baby names and I dnt even no hers
I can't see you
I'm the only one that's wearing a tarzan outfit get your ass over here you douche
SITTING NEXT TO A CIRCUS PERFORMER AT PLANNED PARENTHOOD. THIS IS MY LIFE.
Unfortunately hes not a hipster douchebag with no life goals, so naturally I'm not interested.
i swear to god if you did anything to my honey bunches ill remove all the oats and shove them up your dickhole then play pinata with my foot to knock them all back out
I forced myself to puke in my garbage can, and the next day I bought a new one and burnt the old one. You could say it was a rough night
If they could bottle a hangover it would taste exactly like lemon lime Gatorade and failed hopes and dreams
Because cocaine and lesbian hookups on a Tuesday cannot be the new normal
whoevers yellow car is in your driveway right now... i plan to steal. just an FYI
Totally unrelated, but by the way I DO have one ball bigger than the other.
Randomize
