dude this 15 year old girl saw our youtube vid and just facebook messaged me saying i was verry verry pretty. i have no schemas for how to respond to this situation.
woah 15?
i know! what is this dateline?
Just joined the godiva rewards club. Who's the fat friend now.
i just realized that the oil change sticker on my windshield is a day before the last time i had sex. I've driven exactly 10500 miles since.
you need to get laid.. and an oil change.
The bank teller laughed at me....I'm apparently that fucking hungover looking
All I wanted was my $85. Judgement free. But nooooo
This morning my mouth tasted like fruit trees, battery acid, and magnums. Transferring schools was the best decision Ive ever made.
Hey, you gotta think, is this REALLY the penis you wanna see for the rest of your life? THINK!
its gotten to the point where if her hand isn't on my butt i think we're in a fight
We had to go. She called the bartender a thundercunt.
He sent me a picture of a gas station condom and said "we probably shouldn't use this but if I was to impregnate someone on accident I'd want it to be you"
Yes. I'm realizing that sports games are good reasons to drink. I just cheer when everyone else cheers.
There's a potato with a bite taken out of it in the kitchen
There's a fly in my room repeatedly throwing itself at my window, and I feel it's really symbolic of what I want to do with my future
sitting in the prison waiting room in my boyfriends clothes. looooong story.
Dude if I had a dollar for everytime she asked me to do weird shit with her when we were fucking I'd have like 4$
Nothing ruins your day more than waking up to you dogs crotch in your face
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