I managed to convince him it was his fault I cheated on him...he spent the last 40 minutes going down on me. I feel legendary.
She's thinkin about havin beer pong at her reception... She's walkin a fine line between trashy and the best idea ever
Apparently he always goes for the wrong girl so it should be easy for me to nail him.
I got a Luke Skywalker costume so I can go do battle with the homeless guy who plays the fiddle dressed as Darth Vader downtown.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
A man pulled out his penis last night and when I said I wouldn't touch it, he said, "that's fine it just needs to breathe".
Send me the picture of my mugshot, my boss got arrested last night and I'm trying to make her feel better.
Also I have uncooked pasta. I was hoping that could get cooked at your place. Don't ask about the circumstances that I came into ownership of uncooked pasta
My pubes were yanked out by the root when they got caught in the condom. I think it's time for a bikini wax.
Props to the guy on crutches playing edward forty hands. Dedicated to drinking games is an understatement.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I wish we knew morse code and could knock to each other through the wall
You tired to make us "vodka tacos". Which was just you dipping pitas in vodka.
Any good?
Well. FUCK YA. But that's beside the point
I have never appreciated strippers so much. Ma'am, you are an artist
I need to see you idiots before I go back to school. But we shouldn't snort Crown Royal this time.
Ran out of eye drops right after putting them in one eye. Half baked at work.
I literally just told you I found out I masturbate in my sleep. I think we can be snapchat friends again
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