I woke up this AM and all of my clothes i wore last night are gone. Instead i am dressed in air jordans, boxers, cargo shorts, and an Affliction t-shirt. the part that upsets me most is that i was with a guy who wears Affliction t-shirts.
do people in england often walk their sheep on leashes? or is this guy the exception to the rule?
He practically bottle-fed me Jameson, like I was a baby chimpanzee on those nature specials.
Just got blown whilst getting my high score on bejeweled blitz. There's still a month and a half left of summer and my bucket list is empty...
When's a good time to tell your boyfriend you've slept with his ex girlfriend?
That girl is nothing but trouble. She's 40% red hair and 60% daddy issues.
This is a sacred holiday in the land of the free! I do what I want!
my grandma just gave me a shoebox fulled to the top with tootsie rolls and condoms with a not that said "enjoy college, find a big cock" i'm not sure how I feel about this
Like 50% of me thinks it'll be weird, 25% of me is curious & 25% of me is horny
Themes for tonight: men who look like bill Gates but sing smash mouth songs. Women who's names are also food. Haircuts that DO NOT cover bald spots.
having flashbacks of licking salt of your dick for my shot of tequila
Not as great as when your drunk mom grabbed my junk, but better than when your sober grandma sacktapped me and grabbed my butt.
We could never date. He doesn't drink and he won't bring me tacos after sex. He's on that healthy life bullshit.
I am watching Wayne Gretzky and Alexander oveckhin play video games for charity. What is life right now.
Get your heels and tits on! I’m not wasting a Brazilian because his fucking kid ate paste or Legos and ruined an afternoon suite sex and room service
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