I cant believe I just managed to do a drug deal across the country for you...
he stopped mid-fuck to ask me how my day was....
At the bar. Madeline and I totally brought our own pitcher from home because they always run out. Hello alcoholism.
So I vaguely remember making out with you this morning, I think you were on a date?
I've done nothing but whore my gay ex bf out for the past 48 hours. It's getting weird.
Make sure your heart doesn't explode. These are words of wisdom.
oh sorry. I thought "boat" was code for "penis"
SORRY! Pervert came out for a bit. BAD PERVERT! BACK IN YOUR HOME!
I just did a drunk experiment to find out what it looks like when you turn a burner on the stove on while wearing night-vision goggles. I may be blind in my right eye now.
It would be awesome if I knew whose teeth these were in my pocket
Plus my dignity needs a night alone with me.... Oh that's right. I lost it last night
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
Why are my jeans soaking wet and smell like chlorine??
Bc u told a stranger in the hotel "I have sinned' and made him get into the hotel fountain and "baptize u". I've got a vid
I can't really feel a difference, so essentially I paid 60 bucks to bedazzle my vag.
No I feel the same as usual. Mopey with a chance of bitch fits.
Randomize
