Small penises have feelings too.
so you know how i got laid the other night? well a condom just came out of me and i dont know whether to be grossed out or happy
i am grossed the fuck out
His drunk text included an attempt at quoting a Nyquil bottle in MLA format
Theres dried jager, barbecue sauce and frie remnants all over my front seat.
Should I be curious about Jeffrey randomly sending me a picture of him holding a crab, or just move on with my life?
Found crayons in my cigarette pack. I can't help but feel you may be responcible.
He paid me to blow him while doing a handstand. Does that make me a whore or just a budding gymnast?
Your penis chewing exercise is not working
i love when the champions come out to play im bringin the shock collar this weekend
I just did something so unspeakable in the panera bathroom that their health score dropped 10 points.
Starting St Patrick's Weekend, non stop flights on Pacific Whorelines to the scenic HotMessXpress. Get the cougars ready, it's gonna get weird.
Well I was kicked out of the bar and woke up on a picnic table. I'd say the night was awesome!
I'm actually kind of scared about the prospect of us living together. We're just going to eat pizza and drink wine before retiring to our rooms with vibrators
Nothing has ever been more true. Ever.
No it's a real cult, with original ideas and shit like that
My liver has officially said "fuck this shit" and escaped from my body.
Randomize
