I'm currently googling how to make a dress out of a trash bag. It's going to be a great night.
Dude, I woke up in the kitchen, naked, with a blueberry bagel as a pillow.
Can I eat your pillow?
I'd love to come and give you a massage, but we already duck taped my keys to the ceiling...
I brought up my Bobbly Flay drinking game in the interview. Of course I got the job.
it's not like this is the first time she's brought a guy home and I'm the one who hooks up with him
Recycling my beer bottles from breakfast counts for earth day, right?
I'm glad I booty called you last night. It was nice to see you and talk, in between all the sex...
whats our policy on dating high schoolers?
we dont have a policy but im pretty sure the state of michigan does
I never saw such an emotional argument over yellow vs. spicy mustard.
I've covered myself in body paint in the likeness of R2D2 and I still didn't get laid. Please explain.
Can we go out and get blitzed in celebration that they'll be no more surprise kids
When i said you could use my car and have sex in the back....i wasn't being serious.
I just remembered something. We made out last night, people cheered.
i don't know what happened one minute im stumbling home drunk and the next im drinking pabst and smoking with a french guy ive never met named hugo.
I think I hear the ice cream truck
I could be going crazy though
NO IT IS THE ICE CREAM TRUCK IT'S ALMOST AT YOUR STOP
Randomize
