god. i hate danny gokey.
Hes like the kid in school that reminds the teacher they forgot to assign homeowrk.
he's mormon right? lame.
I hope to God it wasnt poon. That odor was unnatural, it was satanic pussy.
six shots in, he is hammered and doing stretches before each shot
Weed smoke burps in the boss's face. Job security.
My mom just saw the bruise on my chest from the bite mark he left. Played it off that I hit myself w a box of beauty products. She believed me. God I love working retail sometimes.
not sure if I should be concerned that my brother just stormed into my room and looked at me with a serious face and said, "I'm a peacock, you have to let me fly." oh, vicodin...
Welp I just blew a load probably the size of a small pond if not a lake
Who the fuck is this
I got high with the cantor. Rethinking this whole non-practicing Jew thing.
just almost had a panic attack because i couldn't find the granola bar i put in my purse. i miss klonopin.
I was woke up by the fucking Star Spangled Banner this morning. I sat up in bed and put my hand over my naked heart. I was so confused
I just have to point out that once I typed "fa" my phone filled in "fatass"
i just woke up to her giving me a toothy BJ so I had to break into your bedroom and steal about 4 condoms. Sorry for waking you. :(
Yes. I am out of condoms. I kept filling them with glow paint and playing with them when I was on mushrooms, which resulted in me having unprotected sex last weekend
I think you might be the first man ever to describe getting a blowjob as "neat"
I got married tonight..
I'd like to first of all congratulate you on your marriage. Secondly, probably one of the best drunk texts I've ever received. Unless you were sober, then that text was awkward.
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