I really love her but I don't think I can go the rest of my life without anal.
I was curling my hair today and I looked at my curling iron and thought...
You at least unplugged it right?
My one night stand found me at the library and randomly gave me plan B. He was scared I was going to get pregnant because he has a very high sperm count.
I really can't get over how proud I am of all us getting laid at the same time in the same apartment
This is the first time I have ever hoped it's poison ivy on my cock
Im in Ft Meyers right now looking right at an alligator. I have had a couple of beers and people are telling me not to feed him but Im gonna do it anyway.
His car is rigged up like the cash cab how am i supposed to not sleep with him
Just cleaned someone else's sperm off of my bedroom wall. Never throwing a house party again.
It's titled "A countdown to death. A psychological look at the downward spiral of actress Lindsay Lohan and her inevitable Hollywood demise" This dissertation is genius. Not a single sober moment for either Lindsay or myself. Good stuff!
Can't. Busy recovering from the worst pulled muscle of my life that I got either from excessively acrobatic boning or carrying a huge fucking ice luge down the street while wearing 4 inch heels
Note to self: if you decide to go to the gym when you're coming down from your day high to shoot some hoops, do NOT play pickup basketball with the big black dudes who need a sixth
Well sure, my hetero side is thrilled, but my gay side is soooo judging
I'm now consulting a magic eight ball on all major life decisions. On another note I think I have chlamydia.
New drinking game idea: Take a shot for every republican you see on facebook bitching about the ruling.
I'm currently watching porn and playing beer pong with wine in the lobby of a hotel with a squadron of hot airforce guys. You can never say your life is better than mine again
Randomize
