I just got stood up by an 18 yr old. fmylife.
i think im in love. he told me he doesnt care if i shave down there.
I just gave the bartender my number in roman numerals. If she figures it out, she's worth a shot
I've grown up since last year. I don't give blow jobs as birthday presents anymore.
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she carries around a jar of peanut butter. "just in case".
Sorry for calling you a whore in front of your mom. World cup brings the worst out of me.
My dad just questioned my drinking habits... Clearly he doesn't know what kind of college education he's paying for
He just told me that when we were doing it I told him I was the captain and he was the boat. Im too embarassed to ask for money for a cab.
As girls, Bert & Ernie are not very bangable costumes. At least not by who we'd want to get banged by.
I was kidding. But I promise you I'd still find us the most eligible bangables, even if we dressed up like a dumpster and a prom night baby.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You won’t make it to November. A 21st bday and Halloween in the same night has shitshow/ jail written all over it. So I call dibs on that tall guy
Just got flashed by an entire bus of girls in school uniforms. We then had to wait beside each other at a light. It was awkward.
Hey, if a dude can't randomly belt out Whitney Houston tunes from time to time, is life really worth living??
Long story short I shit on a sidewalk while walking with multiple people. Then sprinted around the streets of Tallahassee in only gym shorts as I tore my toga off and wore it as a cape.
Just saw a hotel with a bunch of mattresses in the parking lot. Made me think of you.
Came up to an intersection and someone was blasting My Chemical Romance at like 9 AM. They're DEFINITELY having a good day
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