I cant take that shot because i want my penis to stay hard.
there r dinosaurs outside my house i hear them
pretty sure those are just snow plows....go back to bed
i just realized that im half way to my goal of puking in every single toilet on our floor
So recap time do u remember biting that girls hand?
Bob the builder, bob the uilder bob the builder bbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbjbbbbbiotch!pp!!!!
Dontating $10 to the Red Cross relief effort in Japan for every car bomb I take tomorrow. Yes, buying me a drink just became a good cause.
We should have cut you off when you asked the can driver if you could ride in the trunk.
That was like me applying to a law school drunk at 5 am
Hahaha. That's funny.
But I got an 18k dollar per year scholarship
The strip clubs here are like a safari of penis, and I'm gonna bag me a rhino.
I hear fucking Christmas music. I'm going to find fucking Santa and tell him to suck a dick and shut up for the next month
Sometimes I'm sad but then I realize that bagels.
I just remembered that we had an in-depth conversation about how it was too stressful to wear pants.
She showed up ready for sex all night.. with waters and a meat and cheese tray
He meowed while sucking on my nipple, it got even weirder when he said he was trying to moo.
I got home and found him passed out in my tank top so i think i'll put lipstick on him and mass text a picture to everyone in his phone. that's what he gets for eating all my wheat thins
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