i've got a dick and you've got a pussy....what is the problem??
Seeing him suck some chick's face on VH1 wasn't exactly how I imagined the "we should see other people" conversation going.
are you excited because you wanna see me or because you wanna get laid?
bc i get to see you. naked.
In hindsight, trust falling your grandma was a bad idea. Sorry about that.
Easy for you to say! His first impression of you isn't the drunk girl in a turtle costume who got hit by a car!
Somehow I magically turned down a threesome last night. On my birthday. You're a horrible wingman.
Called my dealer in tears and we talked for an hour until I felt better. That's the way it should be.
there is vodka in my soul right now. The vapor is coming out my nose.
Walk back down Church toward Mass Ave. Take a right and head for the guy in a kilt on top of the really tall unicycle. C u soon!
Medically speaking as your gynecologist and your girlfriend, that is not a rash.
And we're breaking up
Apparently I blacked out and started wrestling with some dude last night. Just found out I might have dislocated his shoulder. Best part: he still wants to bone me
Literally, and I mean LITERALLY as in "not to be confused with a casual hyperbole", LITERALLY the day we broke up she slept with 3 different guys that night.
1) It's nice to see that the whole "English Major" thing is upping the quality of your rants 2) Have you considered that your dick was the cork holding her sluttiness in?
Sometimes I refuse to go through a door until someone holds it open for me because I'm a fucking lady.
I think I'm emotionally ready to start being a slut again. I'm excited.
He woke up from being passed out on the couch mumbled something that sounded like "Taco" then proceeded to the bathroom only to pass out again, I think we need to learn how to party like him!
Randomize
