So, I'm about to rent a movie, order pizza, and use my vibrator.... Am I dating myself?
I think i ate a live goldfish last night. that i caught with my hand in a kiddie pool. my stomach really hurts.
last night he was wasted watching Entourage and changed everyone in his phone book to LLOYD!!!!
she quoted hannah montana in her facebook status. i will never be speaking to her in person again.
I'm sorry for what I said earlier...your vagina wouldn't look funny If you had a kid.
But I thought everyone had breakup sex?
Everyone makes mistakes, yours just means you will forever be known as the chick that tried to steal a cheese plate from the funeral.
We glued Jenga blocks together, called it "magic blocks" and sold it to the stoners for $50 and a bottle of Henny
In all seriousness, if tomorrow night becomes a heated game of Which Ex Gets To Take The Plastered Birthday Girl Home, I'm going to bow out with my integrity intact.
Care to explain why there is sushi in the soap dish in the bathroom
You are going to be so proud of me, I'm wearing underwear AND tights. That's two layers more than usual between my vagina and the world.
It's a hurricane, not a zombie apocalypse. WHY DID YOU BUY SHOTGUNS?!?!
your vagina must have magic restorative powers I feel rested and powerful this morning.
You texted me a picture of your face along with #help
JB just got pulled over and I am in the trunk...... this isnt good
Randomize
