i just met rob pattinson in italy. he's so stupid, i feel like i would have to say "your penis goes here!"
It was so romantic--he turned me around to face the sunset during doggy-style over the couch back.
totally got the gold medal for the best fence jump when the cops came.
you didnt remember my name all night. you kept referring to me as "the blonde with the fat ass"
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We were laughing at the passed out guy who had gone to sleep under the car in the McDonald's lot until we realized it was you.
I like to think that tonight was Jesus punishing James Cameron for his role in popularizing "My Heart Will Go On."
I feel like if you stuck me in a room with all my old toys it'd be the best high ever.
If I EVER wake up with two black eyes again you better come up with a better story than trying to see how many punches I could take.
I am so hung over a medically induced coma is beginning to sound appealing.
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For the record we tried to find 4th of july porn. Did not turn out well.
I just watched Matt try to put on a pillowcase thinking it was a t-shirt.
We power houred with shots of red wine. Somehow we ended up with 7 bottles and lost Chris. Trying to find him this hungover is proving very unsuccessful.
This weekend was amazing, 4 confirmed pukings, 2 cops, 3 hookers, one photographed t-bagging of the groom, and a night in an illegal gambling house.
You know its an epic night when omar the garbage man gives you a ride home at 6 in the morning.
Are you ok? Who pooped in my office?
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