my head looks like a cockatoo
mine looks like a lions mane...looks like the entire zoo is going to prom
Bad idea. College students cannot afford both alcohol and a cat. Unless said cat is irish, and can feed itself with fifths of whisky.
She said i kept moaning her moms name instead of hers
keep an eye on me. i'm afraid that after a few more drinks i'll ask to borrow his wheelchair.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
At what point in your drunken state would you actually believe that the cops wanted to party with you?
Unless you have figured out how to blow me through the phone don't drunk dial me.
Some might say its sad that I am willingly picking up a coke habit to be the skinniest bridesmaid... I think it shows my great dedication and proves I should have been maid of honor.
She kept talking about how amazing the banana she had yesterday was. Don't know if it was innuendo, stoned, or just a really amazing banana.
i refuse to be around anyone not wearing a sombrero...its cinco de mayo
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm alittle affraid you might be dead, seeing how your work party is in an hour and you haven't answered me? I mean I'm picturing you 1. Passed out in your car covered in fries or 2. On a boat in a box to Mexico covered in coke. Please let it be number 1. And aren't we going to your work party?
He asked me if I wanted to blow his whistle and proceeded to pull out an actual whistle.
So is that the only criterion for shenanigans now? Don't die?
Honestly, this is a first for me. I've always prided myself on my ability to pretend to get along with others.
I did it again.
I drunk texted John McCain.
I think the God that I only kind of believe in, definitely hates me.
Randomize