I can't tonight. I'm still nursing a beach sex injury. Don't wanna talk about it.
Drinking in an igloo changes everything.
did you know that if you have sex in the elevator on the way up that people can still get in?
Some guy just rode an office chair down my street, I hope he comes back so I can give him my number.
that's all we do, eat and hve sex, eat and have sex. he thinks it's bad and that we need to talk more or whatever but I'm just not seeing the problem...
Hey I came back and we made joints with the breathalyzers the cops left last night.
So on a scale from 1-10 how gross is it that I used mortuary makeup on my own face?
You can't just take out your bong for hits in public places... That's what pipes are for. You've got to be stealthier.
No, it's okay because this is the city of trees.
YOU'VE ALREADY BEEN BUSTED MORE THAN ONCE. THAT'S NOT A VALID EXCUSE FOR BONG HITS IN COFFEE GARDEN
I have to remind myself to breathe. That hungover.
I tried to smoke out of half a banana, and lit my nose hair on fire. So I feel like that sums up my life pretty well.
...and if you can get the necessary ingredients to make the Buffalo Chicken Melt, I will latch forever at your Teat of Justice.
So if I run into you on the street, I'm supposed to just stop drop and suck your dick?
Rebounding with her sister was the best idea i ever had.
She grinded so hard on my face that I've got rugburn on both eyelids
I'm drinking because I just started here and every single person I work with wants to quit and when I asked a coworker how she's doing she literally just started crying.
Randomize
