I'm at the doctor and the male nurse (haha) asked me if I smoked, drank or did drugs, and when he said 'drugs' he looked me right in the eye and did a perfect wrist rocket.
I really want to fuck my wifes sister.
were talking about masturbation in my pysc class. He says it's healthy. I'm gonna live forever
I found the other part of your tooth if you want to put it under your pillow
You were with some girl. Your exs best friend. Your shirt was half undone and she was telling you to put your penis away. It wasn't out but you wanted to. Patron is your weaknes.
Warning: at some point today you will probably see several pics of me 69-ing a blow up turtle show up on facebook. Just disregard them.
No, I left myself a half eaten cucumber and a beer next to my head, pointed at it and said 'you're breakfast' and then passed out.
We looked at pictures of a Texas banjo contest from 2006 for a half hour and then were surprised by who won. That stoned.
He's a huge toolbag douche loser with a below average dick who doesn't know how to treat a girlfriend. He was my rebound after Brady. It was a pitiful 1 month rebound "extravaganza"
I just had the weirdest moment. Made eye contact at the bar with a girl who has seen my vagina.
Girl please we both know I eat his bullshit up like its candy sprinkled with crack
My doctor was like "I think adderall is a great choice. It'll definitely benefit you and you say you've taken it before so you'll be fine!" \nAnd I was like "yeah bro, totally"
Beans, may the odds of a nip slip and drunken make out session be ever in your favor
You kept insisting you found queso that's better than oral sex
hell no. i was not wasting my two tears of virginity on him.
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