Most awkward sex ever...
And im texting you in the middle.
Hows this for an invention: a toilet that weighs your poop
just taught 3 girls from korea how to fist pump on chat roulette.
He's married, a coworker, and a smoker. not sure which personal rule broken i'm most ashamed of...
handjobs have no place on a baseball diamond
I vagually remember taking your birthcontrol and washing it down with ash water
as soon as I stop standing here with one leg up on my bathroom counter admiring my balls, I'm going to go tan. and then you may come over.
Thats gotta be it. Also just found out that the fireworks will fit in the airsoft pistols...we are all gonna die
I'm keeping track of how many times I've said "Shhh, act like you're not naked." in my life. So far, 3 times.
Shower sex is an art that should not be attemted drunk
I ran into the kitchen halfway through hooking up cause I forgot I put the cookies on the oven too high. Came back and she was gone but the only thing I could think about was all the extra cookies I could eat now. Got through about 6 before I realized why she left.
Are you on your way? Get your date and black out with me. Democracy's at stake.
Do normal couples celebrate occasions naked with Chicken McNuggets and BBQ sauce?
as a side note pls kill me
I just opened a beer with a child's toy at a 5 year olds birthday....can you look up the next AA meeting?!!
Randomize
