Yeah, getting the HI-fiVe would really put a damper on my whoring around.
shes got a really nice body. but her face is eh.
you dont need a face to have sex
you made them have somersault races with you thru the lobby..
You were walking around with a baby carrier pretending your vodka was a baby. You tried to get pictures on santas lap
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Of course, you get to fuck all night while I'm stuck in the girls bathroom sucking a limp dick for coke
Just found out my ex boss was running a whore house in the bar. Time to remove her as a reference?
After she cried and passed out at four in the morning, I had a very lovely, very drunken conversation with her mother while decorating a cake into the shape of a penis.
did the fire alarm go off at the party last night I kind of remember a fire alarm noise
omg omg i ripped it out of the ceiling omg
Please tell me that SOMEONE, SOMEWHERE, has created a drink called a 'Tequila Mockingbird'. PLEASE.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Checking out a dudes' nachos instead of the dude #foreveralone
His dick is a spiritual experience and meditation is very important to me.
my goal is to never have a bac of 0.0 the whole time while in the state of florida, which means i have to chug a beer before i cross the state line
i need to get drunk because i'm an angry sober
You know what...ii have the turtles...were together....i love these god damn turtles...
Just convinced the cute guy from class that I have prostate cancer. GET ME OUT OF THIS TOWN!
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