My mom was talking about how protein is essential to strong bones and then I told her, I'll give you protein.
How unfortunate for your Mom.
Have you ever slowed down next to the oldest people on the highway while getting road head just to see their extended reaction?
Bein cut off at a bar is embarassing ...until you get to the next bar.
It's sad how good I am at giving people diseases
the lady in the checkout infront of me had a case of beer, two 40 oz, and activia...really??i dont' think irregularity is her problem
He took a banana and in front of everyone showed her how he wanted it done.
Can we please just celebrate being alive this far into the school year and just get drunk?
Have to get circumcised. Doctor goes, "On the bright side, you can tell people your dick is too wide."
Like really my mothers day gift is a pic of his dick
After we were done the second time she turned to me and called me a Hardcore Armadillo. Also, her O face involves crossed eyes. You tell me.
I am the Angelina Jolie to his Billy Bob Thorton. We just don't work.
If you can't drink with the big boys, give up your beer and go back to the playpen
Like I wasn't going to make out with the hot Australian sitting next to me at the Portland blazer game?
Fuck the library it's too quiet and makes me uneasy. I feel like I'm so isolated I should take off my pants or something
She was here for a threesome... She doesn't have to put the new roll of toilet paper on the dispenser. She can leave the new roll wherever she wants!
Randomize
