Marg and I just meaowed the nat anthem. I was tenor.
'm tripping baaaaaaaaaaaaaaas
woke up with peach flovored chap stick on my taint ! dont ask why i know it was peach
I am drinking ovaltine with peppermint schnapps. My childhood could have been so much better.
My vagina has become a graveyard for my brother's friendships...
I wish we could skip the pretense of being normal and just start drinking wine with breakfast
He was more tolerable with alcohol in my system. I woke up to him squeezing me and telling me how he wanted to dip me in strawberry jam.
Pretty sure I asked the person at the pharmacy counter in Walgreens to marry me last night. But also remember Rachel Maddow crawling through the TV screen, so my memory might be a bit compromised...
Just once I'd like to do blow in a nice bathroom.
I want to see boobs tonight. Like, real ones. Your ones.
I'm romantic.
we were sitting in the kitchen and you kept biting my shoulder saying "itll all be over soon"
Somehow my family started talking about sex toys at breakfast.
i let a mormon finger me. i don't ever want to be that drunk again.
She could hold her breath for a long time. Best underwater blowjob ever.
I admit I fucked your best friend, but to be fair, you fucked the tristate area. So there's a good chance about 40% of those people are MY friends.
You do realize last night you asked me if shampoo had an expiration date then cried for 15 mins when I told you it did
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