i just picked a peanut m&m up off the floor. with my toes. and then proceeded to eat it.
my underwear are soaked with white zifandel yet i have continued to wear them despite the fact im at home
It feels like Jesse James cheated on America.
I wish I could tell you that the worst thing that happened last night was how he got thrown out of a stripclub for vomitting on the girl giving him a private lapdance. I wish I could tell you that and not be lying.
bad decision saturdays are such a good decision
you can think of my virginity as your little souveneir from our relationship.
He dared me to drink a bottle of olive oil in exchange for a 30 pack... So much for loosing the freshman fifteen this year.
I gave up. I'm crying over my notes. Oh, ya know, just another drunk finals week
She said she forgot something.. and when she came out she was carrying a garden gnome, and a bottle of vodka. she was too hot to question it.
It makes no sense at first, you go with it, it's fun and entertaining and then a disaster
Is it weird that the best sex I've ever had was to Barbara Streisand's Christmas album?
But seriously I might need help getting spray paint off of my body.... But don't worry about the penis I scrubbed him already
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
Woke up to find that I was cock blocked by no more than three people.
Listen gotta draw the line somewhere. Apparently that line is at my nuts.
Randomize
