I am at a 420 party and i just told a girl "hey, less not getting donuts, more getting donuts"(1-855): and did she get any doughnuts?
No. I am devastated
I would like to be the first to explain to you that if you've woken up with bruised knuckles this morning, it's because last night you tried climbing out of our car window and into the drive through window at maccas. The cashier chick freaked out and slammed the window on you and beat you around the head with her headset thingy.
Shittttttt.
Be not ashamed. It was youtube-worthy.
her name is jenna, so i wanna cunt punt her
that's how i am about ashleys and britneys
I always wonder when I meet a guy from online if he needs a moment to mentally register and accept the size of my ass. maybe ill wear a dress.
got in a fight at the bar because some dude thought i was being sarcastic when i told him "sweet mustache". it really was a sweet mustache
I just did the classiest thing ever.
last time you said that you got chlamydia.
So guess who had sex in a Ghostbusters sleeping bag.
was it good sex?
i mean it was good for how drunk we were. and for how big the closet was
Only I can have a panic attack in the back seat of a cop car and have them move me to the front seat.
No, but its not like diarrhea. i swear its like my intestines had a secret bank account and i just punched in the right pin.
U can find me on my couch hungover eatin tuna evaluating my life
At least your night didn't end with three cops seeing your ass and you sitting on the ground in a wig throwing your shoes at people
Idk how much vodka is on these pants but I'm gonna wear them anyway: the biopic
I ate 2 pot cookies before we left the house. Fuck Pokemon. I'm playing my own game.
I love Texas men! TSA agent found my vibrator, nodded approvingly, and said, “You have a nice night, ma’am” with a cowboy accent. I almost made out with him on the spot
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