I am officially out of liquor stores within a 15 mile radius that don't recognize me as soon as I walk in the door.
Every time a song comes on I get sad if glee has not a cover of it
someone wrote "the short drunk lives here" on our door. i already have a reputation
She kept screaming "best case scenario"
I was officially considered the drunkest person in cuba when the bartender at the swim up bar made me wear a life jacket for 'safety purposes'
She just fell in the river. Meet us downstream with the bottle.
I'm not sure, 7-8, the last bit was a rush of at least three blended together. Basically you fucked me so stupid that I can't even recall the number of orgasms.
So you know, I'm making that my facebook status.
Decided in my tanked state last night purchase 2 weeks worth of xanax, so I can guess my way thru this week and finals. Soberly, I decided it would be a great way to test my knowledge of finance.
But I'm a half a mile from my bed. And I have the hiccups. I hate hiccups.
That moment when your fucking in an airport bathroom and forget to lock the door. That poor man...scarred forever...
There's so much mac and cheese stuck to my foot right now
so in addition to the two guys I slept with last night, and the third that I turned down this morning, a fourth has appeared. best Valentine's Day ever.
I've officially slept through a hurricane, a tornado and had sex during an earthquake. I'm surviving.
I don't think there's a ladylike way to tell this guy I want to sit on his face
I just bought two 8 Balls of Coke from the chick nurse that stitched my leg together in the ER after my bike accident last summer.
Randomize
