Please explain to me why I only attract Mormon guys. Just explain that to me.
I think it's God trying to counter your lustful nature. Imagine if Agnostics liked you. You'd never come out of your bedroom.
I just want you to know that were having pizza delivered to the emergency room
Just lit a joint with steel wool and a 9 volt battery... thank you 3rd grade science class
He had a beer bottle in each of his back pockets and was on rollerblades. All I remember is following him for about 10 minutes
i'm sick of coming in second next to bourbon.
Are you asking me on a date where we get shithoused and do some fingerpainting?
speaking of creep .. love how I kept touching strangers faces at the bar ... and saying "Don't worry I'm a dermatologist"
Please acknowledge the sock on the door. If not it will be rammed up your ass.
So my roommate and I have a written agreement stating that if he tries to sleep with his ex girlfriend, I have to immediately intervene and nut punch him then send her on her way.
this is the most serious roommate agreement ever
The best of us have puked in our office garbage cans. I just hope yours wasn't the metal mesh kind...and bagless like mine. Rock n roll office manager.
I hope you get some kind or rare disease that makes your dick ties itself in a knot for fucking her you lucky bastard.
I walked by the two of them and mouthed "fuck me" based on there reaction I think they just came in their pants
The only alcohol at my aunts was mikes hard so I drank 9 of them and puked in the master bath
His dick is curly. It's adorable.
Made out with sailor moon tonight. Childhood dreams do come true.
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