she fell down the flight of stairs and was fine until she saw the two broken beer bottles on the ground by her.
thats a woman
not to mention it took an hour of antique roadshow to calm my dick down
I don't care how many kiddie pools are in our house. One is too many.
hes either a crazy bad problem or a crazy good orgasm. I just can't decide which one.
When are you not under some influence?
Since last Tuesday...yesterday.
i just feel like the statute of limitations for admitting i plowed through her car last night was up a couple hours ago
I swear the crows are laughing at me.
You my friend are stoned into submission
Hi this is the guy from the cell phone store. Your Dad just upgraded your phone as a surprise. I didn't tell him about your topless pics on your phone. I transfered them to new phone. Nice rack!
I feel like I've asked you "are you okay?" one too many times in the last 48 hours. You're hopeless.
Any residual attraction has just been ruthlessly murdered by that mustache.
If we tried baptizing you I feel the water would start boiling around you.
still not dressed at 5:00, jacking off watching men's figure skating and hoping my weird roommate doesn't walk in. anybody who says idk how to have fun is wrong
So i had a lucid dream about blowing myself. This is why people love me
If I take one more surprise finger up the ass this week there will be hell to pay.
no no no no you can't just say your dirtiest secret is "i sat on goldfish by accident once" and just leave i have QUESTIONS
AT LEAST TELL ME IF THE GOLDFISH WAS STILL IN A BOWL??????????????
Randomize
