Who said anything about talking that was a booty call
This ginger kid smells like a queef popsicle
like i told you yesterday: virgins, blood, my name. do it.
i'm at a party where swedish girls are dumping laundry detergent on each other because it glows in blacklight. this is awesome
i'm ready for this baby to gtfo so i can get coked out.
it's like a replay of two fridays ago...except not in a motel and i'm not having sex in the shower.
It's like eating cereal and milk but instead of cereal it's gummy bears and instead of milk it's vodka.
That doesn't help it make any more sense. Because now you've brought pinata condoms into this.
You're too morally constrained. I firmly believe that you should be less concerned with how young she is and more excited by the fact that she's not jailbait by virtue of a legal technicality.
He walked straight into the wall, said "excuse me ma'am" and continued back to his dorm room.
Forgot to tell you--the bartender at Crowbar set his arm on fire last night. He was doing this "Cocktail" bartender trick of pouring alcohol that was on fire between glasses. Then some leaked out, onto his arm, and set his arm on fire, then his shirt. Exciting! (And he's ok).
So apparently they remodeled our middle school. Looks like we'll need to find a new roof to play beer pong on this summer.
Grindr hookup awareness: always make sure that you agree to blow one person and they aren't bringing a Friend/boyfriend. Shits weird when you're sober.
He was pretty bad, I wanted pizza the whole time.
You walked in with a bag of weed and asked for a watermelon. For some reason they actually gave you one, and you made it into a perfectly working bong. Two of them offered their girlfriends to you for the night.
Randomize
