Dude. I tried to convince her to eat poprocks and give me a blowjob. It did not work out well.
Somehow after we left in 3 different cars to all go to different places we still all ended up in the emergency room
its like fishing. just send her some cock shots to keep her on the hook then use tequila to reel her in
Aww. I feel like I need to kill a puppy just to make room in the world for how cute you are right now
You called me at 4am shouting drunk shit about Poland and asking me to 'come out and play.' Where the fuck were you?
Poland
You had me at "mimosas" several texts ago.
But seriously, I hug most of my drug dealers.
Walked up in time to hear him say "you saw I was in a relationship on facebook? So why are you holding my nuts?" To her. That's loyalty man
We have to have sex twice when i get back. I miss you sex, and thank god the nhl lockout is over sex. I will happily let you wear your sharks jersey during it and i will wear my ducks jersey, and it will be mad rivalry sex.
Im like a hedgehog. Easy to corner or get within reach, but tough to get right close to. Like a rooster with its feathers surgically replaced with razors
Think I have the only job where I can be naked in a room with my manager at work. Apart from hookers
I came over to get dick...not to watch you vacuum....at 2 AM
Is this because I accidentally peed on you?
His ex told me that she wanted me to "take care of" him but from the way she said it I couldn't tell if she wants me to look after him or murder him.
She picked a quarter off the floor, kissed it "for luck" and won the $20,000 jackpot. She bought dinner and stayed sober to drive us home. This is a typical example of a visit with my sister.
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