Oh just a soda. I'm "driving"
Wait. When you mean sick you mean a cold sick right ? not something else.
Apparently I signed "I love you" on my bar tab last night.
just served this dwarf dude an entire pitcher of malt liquor. watching this will totally be worth my bartender's certification.
It was literally me in an evening gown and him in a tux with six bottles of Vodka at Jons.
And this was for your brother's Christening?
I got a handjob to the OC theme song. It was like going back in time 7 years.
and now her best friend is massaging my table under the leg. this may not end well.
My near death experience also doubled as my coming out story
they all just nodded
Don't count me out just yet. Considering bartering a blowjob to see if that boy from work will take my shift.
Found her with a stray dog now called champagne, crying about how she feels a mom now. Had to take her home. The dog too.
I had such a pleasant walk of shame. The sun was shining, I smiled at all the high school suckers who judged me on their way to school, and I made friends with an old guy and his dog.
After the party last night, I dreamt I continued drinking... Apparently my subconscious didn't think I'd had enough...
Found out I slept with someone who likes Pitbull. I really should get to know someone better before I sleep with them.
Honestly, if you can handle putting socks on you can handle a condom.
I think I was just recruited to join a religious lesbian cult by these 3 really pretty girls and I'm tempted to join
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