She told me that she had to rub her face against me because she was part cat.
the red, white, and blue power rangers were all also in the porn buisness, good bye childhood
I just found out that my father was a Human condom for halloween when I was 4. And to think I used to wonder where my sense of humor came from.
I need a second opinion on who's blood is in my car.
drunken yoga. on the beach. senior week. you have been chosen <3
So i forgot that my head is completely wrapped in gauze, and tried to do the "come hither" look. He think's i'm brain damaged
Second wave of rafting ended in a concussion. Don't worry though, the paramedic says it's still not considered a DUI.
Dear awkwardly drunk roommate, thanks for stuffing enough change in my clevage that I could afford a pepsi at work today. Sincerely awesome roommate that put up with your drunk ass
I knew no one else would have gone along with it since it's morally wrong and probably illegal. You said, "Yes. And let's add fireworks."
If you take a post shower shit just get back in bed. You're better off starting your whole morning all over again.
Her hotness level dropped from an 8 to a 2 as soon as I walked into her place. It REEKED of cat piss and there was no litter box and NO CATS.
Hopefully they won't bring up last year's Christmas party. I kind of predicted my great aunt's death...
the fact you finally accept your bi don't shock me but as your fuck buddy I expect you girls to go family style on me
It was a blast. I was going to say that throwing up in the airport bathroom wasn't classy, but it's classier than quietly puking into a fast food cup while in your seat during takeoff...
you're not celebrating your 21st birthday right unless you give a male stripper a hand job, flash the bartender, and win a free vibrator.
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