i have one hour to talk myself into enjoying giving him a blow job when i get home
Watching the tv in the reflection of my phone cause I'm too hungover to roll over.... Yes it is 4 PM...
Got in a bar fight defending Prince. Thought you ought to know. He gets his dick sucked cooking eggs for breakfast.
I passed out drunk and Jane had created a picnic on my chest. I had chips and a hamburger laid out on my boobs. The only reason I woke up is she was trying to feed me too.
I might as well rub my vagina against it before I throw it away.
he made a bon jovi sex playlist and started crying when "i'll be there" came on... how was your night?
He showed up at my house, drunk, proclaiming that he needed to fuck me...my dad let him in
We should give each other good-luck-on-your-finals head in the morning.
We fucked on shrooms. It's like his dick was a beam of light and when I came I turned into a prism and my orgasms were made of rainbows.
Are you stuck outside of your house because you forgot to walk up stairs? Cuz I've been there.
We've been watching Scooby Doo and having sex for the past 36 hours, so life is great
Do you want me to add this to the list of actions I will state at your intervention
You ripped my pants off and gave me the choice use it or lose it what was I suppose to do.
I really appreciate you taking the time to blur out my excessive boob cleavage for instagram
What??! Dude I'm not having you barging in at like 2 am smelling of cigarettes and disappointment to sleep on my couch and then have an awkward morning with my wife while I'm at work.
Touché sir
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