More dangerous that a broken heart and a shotgun.
Ur just texting me random shit. That's what Twitter is for
Sometimes I wish I could peel his face off and use it to take all the money out of his account.
At what point did we agree that playing bocchi ball on the way to the liquor store was a good idea?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He said he loved me so I pretended not to hear it because I don't think "I love your penis" was the response he was looking for.
Two dudes got up on top of the pianos and danced shirtless. They didnt even get kicked out. I love vegas
STD scares really help you understand the whole six degrees of separation thing...
Returning my drunken purchases from last night. Not a single thing I bought was on sale.
If the fate of the world hinged on some chubby girl getting laid, the president would dispatch me with a fifth of Jameson immediately and then rest easy.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Let's celebrate that I used a condom
I cant see straight, her clothes are all over my floor and I'm covered in bite marks... No I will not go to brunch with you
My one night stand from last night is currently mowing my lawn for me.
You gotta own your makeout pics Matt. They're like badges of honor
Philosophical question for you: is it better to go into work slightly drunk or slightly coked out?
I'm not saying you're stupid, just that you have bad luck when thinking...
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