my phone is set on vibrate and its tucked up in my left front pocket. call me back 20 times real quick.
She called me Spock and proceeded to ask me to 'teach her the ways of the force'. I just couldn't do it after that. No way am I fucking a girl who can't tell the difference between Star Wars and Star Trek.
I'm about to cry with happyness at the beer that will be consumed
Just getting around to doing laundry. Jesus there's a lot of blood on my birthday dress.
Please come pick me up? I sleep walked to planned parenthood again.
Dude it was weird. The strippers vagina tasted kind of like your mother's.
you figure out which one you wanna sleep with, & I'll sleep with the other one. problem solved
I'm so high. Midnight pancake breakfast in bed
Drunk Karaoke resulted in only 8 injuries this time, so there is some improvement.
Is eating a dinner of fishsticks and gin mean you're failing at adulthood? I'm asking for a friend.
Left Las Vegas at 2:30 am, woke up at 11 AM at a Barstow gas station with the Valet from Ceaser' palace snoring in the backseat and no memory of how we got there. I felt like Raoul Fucjing Duke right then and there.
Why are your pants in the freezer?
It took me an hour to walk from my drive way to my front door... what the fuck was in that weed?
I'm seriously considering selling my books back early. I don't use them anyways and I could really use the beer money..
I fuckin love you!
I would reciprocate the feeling if i knew who this was.
Randomize
