dude just tell them you don't wear clothes. they'll understand
yeah, and then after the convo was clearly over, my dad decides to scream "SIZE MATTERS" just to make things even more uncomfortable.
I just can't bring boyfriends home.
Is there any way you can check to see if I have a warrant out in Alabama?
Just had to explain my "wine me. Dine me. Sixty-nine me" key chain to my grandma...she took it surprisingly well.
If only guys knew how much awkward ass shaving goes into making sex this good...
Im playing the how drunk can i get before my card declines game. being single sucks. But getting drunk after work alone in fridays on a wenesday night sucks way more.
We got caught having sex in the bathroom by my professor. In accordance with tradition, we still brofisted. I think my grade went up considerably.
Asking the homeless man what buss shelter is the warmest was not a good idea
He ran over from the bar to give me more singles because the stripper was doing gymnastics on me. He is a really great friend, just probably not the best boyfriend.
Something about being drunk at 1pm chasing seagulls on the beach while it's raining is very calming
If I come in tomorrow with a cane and a seeing eye dog it's because I just mixed up my salicylic acid acne stuff with my eye makeup remover
I'm dangerously close to tossing this whole "morals" bullshit and swan-diving into the fuckboy lifestyle.
hold on i need to sex proof my eyelashes. thank godd for waterproof mascara
Straight up just cock blocked my dad. Also this apple sauce is good.
Look, I need your help, not your judgment.
Randomize
