I just spent twenty minutes with brandons dad explaining why head isnt typically considered sex...can we say awkward?
Last night I apparently send my boss a picutre of my boobs. On the bonus part I got a raise today. So I just want to thank your parents for naming you Jeff cuz if I was not so hammered last night I would have sent it to the right one.
He just said "I made some changes in my life. The male g-spot is in the rectum and I wanted to explore that."
you handed me your bra at the bar and said 'hold my purse'
We were naked in his bed when he asked me "what should we do?"
I don't really know how to say this, but I have an oven mitt to return to you tomorrow..
the gays at disneyland are vicious
A man bought two 40's from me, then asked if I had duct tape. How do people over 50 know about Edward 40hands? It was very weird.
Well apparently I decided it was easier I piss in the trash can at waffle house than In the toilet. Would've been ok if the trash can was in the bathroom.
i told him I'd let him eat part of a weed cookie out of my cleavage, so he pulled over like a gentleman.
You don't marry someone you don't want to fuck senseless this is 2014 dammit
Well, let's just say, I got that eye patch like we were joking about
He has great stamina, he knows how to use his tongue, and he's hung like a goddamn Pegasus. I can overlook the man bun.
She thinks I cheated on her 10 years ago in a past life lmao
It's an interesting experience to pee while a bird meows at you.
You need to get out of the house more
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