He tagged himself in all of my pictures so he would get a notification if someone commented on it.
Restraining orders are what college is about.
You proceeded to call me a hoe and then informed me that Bear Grylls is and always will be more important than I am to you.
I hope whoever gets these locks of love doesn't have a drug test anytime soon
Nothing makes my dick softer than hot girls in rain boots.
porn star boner night. come get it.
Dude, she gave me a handski that literally felt like she was starting a lawn mower...
The cops walked in and cracked up bec he was passed out on the couch in a pink tutu.
He just took a bite of each taco bell burrito and hid them throughout my apartment. this was 2 weeks ago and have found 30 burritos so far
He doesn't drink liquor so instead of doing a body shot off my belly button he dropped water in there and sipped it out with a straw. Look at my face: =|
I fell asleep on the floor again. i dont want help, just a pillow. its kind of nice down here.
so after 3 days of looking i found the keg...looks like somebody tried burying behind the garage
so hungover. idk whos house or comp im on
Public service announcement: Just bc it is Margarita Monday does NOT mean your stomach will readily accept that much alcohol. There IS a reason it isn't called Magical Monday. On that note, better luck on Tequila Tuesday.
HE'S FUCKING 19 YEARS OLD, HE CAN'T EVEN GET INTO A BAR WITH ME, WHAT MAKES YOU THINK I'LL LET HIM IN MY PANTS?!
Can you come over?
Sex??
Sure but there’s also a squirrel in my garage I need you to take care of.
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