I feel great
I just peed on a car
the 3rd commandment: and god said, if you buy a handle.. you must finish it.
That explains waking up with one hand in the toilet and the other in the trash can
Ya! She had a north face on tho so she was a classy hooker.
I love how all these freshman girls think that they can wear what they wore last summer... freshman 15 at its skankiest
He had rug burn on his nose from my landing strip
Wait time out. Did I start last night with pants?
Well i'm not entirely sure considering he gave my vagina an early valentine's day card that said "you're purrfect."
I ended up at these random girls' house they are smoking weed out of a gun
good news: smoking weed at school again, quality of life has improved drastically
My drug dealer bought me a book for Christmas. What a gentleman.
I tried to suck your dick underwater and almost drowned
You know you've made it in life when the people in the next stall are cheering on your orgasm
After this weekend my vagina will follow his penis anywhere. It’s like the pied piper, but with penis
It's official, I'm not staying in tonight
What caused that decision?
You only live once
Randomize
