dude just tell them you don't wear clothes. they'll understand
Maybe we should try and tone it down a notch. The neighbors changed the name of their wifi network to "i can hear you having sex".
Succesfully slept on the roof at work for 3.5 hours without getting caught. I need a promotion
I can't break up with him, I ran the math. Taking into account his 7 inch penis and the standard deviation from average, almost 90% of guys should have a smaller penis than he does.
Really? Penis math? This is why guys shouldn't date female engineers.
his name is devion and he has a voice like velvet and handcuffs
there is a video of me on Facebook getting mad at a trash bin what the fuck was in your Pepsi
Woke her up in the middle of the night with the smell from a fart. So proud of my colon.
Because of my cut offs, my brother is convinced I fucked a girl so hard she forgot to take her pants. Fairly accurate.
i snuck out to taco bell in my hospital gown earlier
He literally just peed in a trash can in our room. It didn't even have a bag in it
You tipped the Uber driver extra for taking your phone away while you were drunk texting
You know that if they offer you a bagel they are determined to sleep with you, right?
I know where his drugs are but not my pants
Is someone on their way here yet? I'm way too tweaked to be here alone
Its not that hard to understand he's my holiday boyfriend, we ignore each other most of the year except on holidays when I give him head
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