i just want to meat her and do terribly wonderful things to her vagina...
Our relationship is like that beach boys song "help me Rhonda" and I'm fucking Rhonda. And Rhondas's the whore in case you've never heard it.
using the left over highlighters from the blacklight party to study for finals. feeling the need to write insert penis here on my econ notes.
Whenever there is a ShotSki involved, I have no excuse but to drink, right? It's like a rule.
You said you wanted to start a restaurant called 'Barbecue' where everything is barbecued. You sounded really proud of your concept.
Im eating a cannibus peanut butter and jelly sandwich, while snuggling a stuffed animal. Either this flu is really really harsh or I'm some kind of stoner toddler
Wow, I just woke up in this conference with the woman beside me staring at me. This is what happens when hungover people sit in warm rooms...
A big thanks to that bride-to-be, Her fiance and his loaded friends will forever hold a place in my heart for the generous tequila body shots on the couch at Henry's.
I mean I'm screaming I love the gays in the middle of Bart so yeah
I was so gone I thought the cops banging on my door were kids from the party trying to get into my room... needless to say, I started moaning louder so they would take the hint.
I dressed up as a "typical white girl" which meant I wore my yoga pants and uggs all night. BEST. IDEA. EVER. Most comfy halloween everrrr.
I might have been the first person in 2015 to throw up on a yellow cab before climbing in it.
he was making out with her against the stove and started a fire--the thirst literally almost burned the place down!!
... Okay, fine. But I don't want to be a better person tonight. I'll be a better person tomorrow.
Worst wingman u don't do ANYTHING but laugh at my incompitant shyness
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