the other night i did but this one wasnt and it was so random. i was hooking up with this boy who wanted to roleplay and pretend to be snakes
It's always a relief to be able to look at some one, and remind yourself that there IS some one who gets laid less then yourself.
Just dropped $150 at the liquor store. No power and two feet of snow has taken my alcoholism to another level.
Found your pants in the mailbox
What were my pants doing in the mailbox?
I don't know but there's postage on them
I swear, if he gets me a bowling ball for Christmas, I will throw it at him.
Ohh god. I'm so nervous. This is terrible. He just introduced me as "the best girlfriend of his life" and Jenny as his "sexual roomate"
You are not about to raise that baby deer, you can BARELY raise yourself... Return it to it's mom now.
Well since its impossible for me to swallow a pill this big I'm making wine slushies out of them
Not sure if it's my shorts, hat, shoes, hair or soul but one of the above just got me drunk again from the glorious aroma of Keystone Light.
I was paranoid that someone would jizz in my hair while I had the cucumbers over my eyes. Super-High Spa Day didnt work out.
I just contemplated drinking cheese dip. And by "contemplated," I mean "attempted and was forcibly stopped from."
Hey, I took a sweater from your house. And, um, your little brother's virginity.
I really just gave up on masterbating because I'm too tired. I really am getting old.
You might see me up a tree with a deranged look in my eye , just walk away at that point
This is the weekend we were supposed to be in Vegas making bad decisions hoping no one got VD, not stuck at home for the 900th day in a row
Randomize
