I'm so tired of dating women who lie about their age. You show up feeling like you need to follow them around with a dust pan and a broom.
smoked weed with Joakim Noah last night....if he was half as fast to the basket as he is to grab a joint from me we'd have another championship on our hands
i had to get the starbucks manager to open the bathroom door for me...you passed out on the floor, the things i do for you
Those were the days I had no morals... Dark times.
Shall we take a trip back?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Why is my drynk life bleeding into my real life
i just want to be sober by dinner like is that too much to ask
My sister was borrowing my phone when the sext came through. She just said "wow. He's got a nice dick!" Then went on like nothing happened. Outed by a dick pic and its no big deal. Best sister ever.
Who knows. Maybe the world would be a better place if more people sent their drug dealers thank you cards.
If you find my purse on your yacht please call me - girl you slept with after yacht party
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was just thinking about our drunk conversation about having sex with elephants the other night. Love you bud. Stay strong.
Everytime I try to keep track of the amount of people I slept with I always forget about that guy I met on the dc metro, where I woke up to him organizing his Special K and Molly and I was covered in sleeping cats.
Dry heaving on campus is my new low. Also, go pats
Who says no to sex and donuts?!
You tore a poster off a lamppost and ATE IT. That drunk.
I just watched two birds fight or fuck. It was crazy. Another bird was watching closer and I know that bird understood what was happening better than me.
Randomize